Mom in Trouble

Colin just threatened to give me a time out. He's really mad. And I'm thinking...I would LOVE a time out. He's giving me the "very serious" face. He has no idea.

How to Drive a Car

"I don't wanna go to school, mom."

"I understand, but I need you to go to school, babe. It's your job. Just like Daddy and I have jobs to do."

"But I don't wanna go to school, mom!"

"Hmm. Well, what do you want to know, Colin?"

There was a pregnant pause as he considered this while sucking on his spoon. Suddenly alert, he looked up at me. "How to drive a car!"

"Cool! Did you know that you have to learn how to read before you can learn to drive a car?"

"No."

"Yeah, there's a book you have to read about how to drive a car, and you have to be able to read all the signs on the street, too."

"Oh."

"So, how 'bout we get ready for school?"

"Okay."

Totally Not Anything My Kid Said

Just a quote I came across today, which I love:

"Be wary of saying or doing anything to a child that you would not do to another adult, whose good opinion and affection you valued."

- John Holt

I get the point, and it's a beautiful one. But I guess my question is...would I tell another adult, whose good opinion and affection I valued, to quit choking the dog and please put his pants and underwear back on before going outside? And how much would I value the opinion of an adult who tried to kill my pets and flash his bum to the neighbors? Anyway. Food for thought.

Thinking Ahead

"Waaaaaaaaaa!! Owww!!!!"

"Are you okay, Colin?"

"Yeah. I'm okay later when it's all better."

Suddenly, School Sounds Like Lotsa Fun

After leaving a huge mess in the living room and kitchen this morning,

"I know, Mom. I can go to school and you can fix the house!"

Let me at 'em

"It's not okay to hit people, Colin."

"But I can hit tigers and sharks and monsters. And blankets. Right, mom?"

Unforgivably Rude

Colin: "Mom, I wanna go outside!"

Me: "Dude, no way. You're wearing pajamas and no shoes and there's freezing rain out there. Come and get dressed."

Colin: "You're rude."

The Difference Between Boys and Girls

The little girl is Colin's friend. Like most girls, she talks. You get to start seeing Colin's reaction to it about a minute in.

This was taken in September, 2009.

Oh Really?

"My great-grandma is dead. But just her body is dead. Not her head."

Bad Like Me

Colin's Daddy told him to wait a minute. Kid didn't like that.

"I'm gonna give you a "X." He drew a big "x" on his chalkboard.

Daddy said, "Can I get a star?"

Colin said, "No. Never. You'll never get a star. Because you're bad like me and you fight."

A New Leg

"Mom, I got two owies on my leg. I gotta get a new leg."

*****

And more:

Colin: "Mom? I need a new leg, I said!"

Me: "Well, you can't really just buy a new leg and stick it on. If we took the old one off you'd have to get a fake one."

Colin: "We could just glue it."

Scary, but Nice

Colin went on the Haunted House ride at Disneyland for the first time today.

"How did you like that, Colin?"

"That was too scary for me. But it was so nice, too."

Cuz I Need Stuff

First thing this morning:

"Mom. I need to make a lot of money."

"How come?"

"I need to buy a motorcycle and a truck and a car and a big house and a train in my back yard."

Pajamas

Mom Needs a Penis

Overheard conversation:

"Daddy, mom needs a penis." Daddy said, "Oh yeah?" Colin replied, "Yep. We should buy her one."

Thinking it's sweet of him to want to make up for what I'm lacking.