Might Be Time I Eased Off on the Butt Compliments...

We were out at the Americana, a local outdoor mall, today. As we walked around the fountain and came to the back of the 18-foot "Spirit of American Youth" statue, Colin shouted, "Aw! Cute butt!"

Dang.

I got out of bed this morning and started singing cheerfully but with a tired voice.

From the kid's bed: "Mom! Stop it!"

I laughed but kept singing.

"Mom, stop it I said! Oh my God-uh! You're gonna make me cry!"

For Sale:

One four year old boy in Spiderman pajamas. Cute. Says a lot of funny shit. Will kick you in the arm really hard while you try to use your laptop. Laughs when you protest. First come, first served. No refunds. No exchanges.

Where the Fishes Do Their Business

Kid headed out the door early this morning to go fishing with his Dad.

"Colin, do you want to go to the bathroom before you go?"

"Um...Does fishing have a toilet?"

I Have Been Warned

"You have to be nice to me if you want to be my friend, Mom. Cuz I can get a new Mom."

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"I love you, Colin."

"Yeah."

"Do you love me?"

"Yeah."

"How much?"

"So, so, so, so...very...special...much."

"Wow. How much do you love Daddy?"

"Very special much, like you."

Are You My Girl?

When kissing Colin goodnight, he popped his tongue in my mouth.

"Eew! Colin, you can kiss your girlfriend like that one day, but not your mom."

"Yeah, when I'm a big man! And I can say, "Are you my girl?" and I can sing her a song! Wif my guitar!"

"That'll be a lucky girl."

"Yeah. My giwlfriend."

Four Year Old Nightmares

Colin woke up twice during the night last night, once at 2:30 am: "Noooooo! I can't put my socks on by myself, I can't!"

and again at about 4am:

"Don't touch it! Stop touching it! It's not yours, it's miiiiiine!"

Manners for Grandma

Colin farted. "What do you say when you fart, Colin?" "Nuffink!"

He farted again. "What do you say when you fart, Colin?" "I awready said 'Nuffink'!"

A little while later my mom came over. I heard him fart from the next room. His Grandma said, "What do you say when you fart, Colin?"

"Oh, Excuse me."

Robot Dragon

"Mom, it was a robot dragon and he say, 'I'm biting you and making you dead!' and I said, 'No!' and then he said, 'I want to eat a giant house for my dinner!' and then I got him dead! In my dream!"

Makse Sense to Me

"Mom, my tummy hurts. I need the doctor to look in my belly button."

Where's the Baby?!

Kid sat up like a shot from a sound sleep and shouted urgently, "Mom? Where's the baby?!"

"What baby, honey?"

"Our baby!" He jumped out of bed and ran into the other room. He opened the guest room door.

"Mom! Where's the baby?" He sounded alarmed, so I jumped out of bed to follow him.

"We don't have a baby, honey."

"Oh. Did our baby died?"

"No, Sweetie. I think you were having a dream that we had a baby. We don't really have one."

"Oh. We need to get one."

All That Darkness Hurts the Eyes

After 2,487 story books, a trip to the bathroom and more water...I thought he'd finally fallen asleep.

"But I can't sleep, Mom. It's too dark."

Skeleton

"Mom I'm gonna get a big, big skeweton (skeleton)! When I'm a big man!"

"Yeah! Now you have a little skeleton!"

"Yeah! But I'm gonna get a big, big one!"

...

"Mom? How would it get in?"

Mr. Potts and Truly Scrumptious Can Kiss My Ass

We were all watching Chitty Chitty Bang Bang last night. Colin turned to his dad,

"Daddy, I can get a different daddy like that one and he can make me a car! And I can get a different mom like that one with so so much candy!"