Happy Halloween

Things I Didn't Know Number 8,756.5

"Babies are born out of their mom's boobs. Did you know that, Mom?"

Who cares it's not Halloween yet

?

"Mom we should get a Zignator. It goes inside the water."

"A zignator?"

"Yeah!"

"What's a Zignator?"

"Just a Zignator. You know." With that, he ran out the back door, leaving me to ponder.

Fun with Poop!

"Momguesswhat? I have a new game to play at school AND at home too! It's called diarrhea."

The kid went on to describe a game of pretend involving running and flying and girls vs. boys. I was laughing too hard to clarify the word until later.

I thought that one looked bigger...

"Mom, you know where my sammich went?"

"Where?"

Kid points to his mouth, drags finger down his throat, across his chest, under his arm and down the side of his body to his right foot.

"In there. In my right foot. Not in my other one."

Waxing, Waning, Crescent and...

"Oh! Look at the moon, Mom! It's whole!"

Now You Know

"Dad, you know why ghosts get fat when they eat food?"
"No, why?"
"Cuz they don't poop."

Everyone has a price...

"If I give-ded you a bill-jin bill-jin dollars, then can I eat all the chocolate?"

Nudist School

Getting dressed in the morning:

"What if I went to school naked? Then I would have to go to Naked School. That's where naked guys go."

So Fast

Dropping him off at school:
"Mom, I want you to come back like Hot Wheels."
"What do you mean? In a cool car?"
"No. Come back so fast. I would miss you."

She's not THAT old...

Introducing his buddies from school to his family:

"...'an this lady is my Gramma. She's OLD."

Dragonfly Dream

"Mom, I had-ed a dragonfly dream. I had-ed a dragonfly dream but I just lost him. I wanted to tell him a secret! 'Don't sting good guys. Only sting bad guys!"

I'll Miss You Too

"G'night, Mom. I would miss you when I'm sleeping."

Girls will be boys and boys will be girls...

“You’re getting so big, Colin. Hey, whey you’re 13, the girls will be 21 - they will be grown up ladies.”

“No, they will be my big brothers.”

“You mean sisters?”

“No. Brothers.”

“Uh. Well, they are still going to be girls when they are grown up.”

“That’s okay. I like girl brothers.”

Bamfire

"What do you want to be for Halloween?"

"I wanna be a bam-fire, I fink."

"What's a bam-fire?"

"You know, dey fly at night."

"Like a bat?"

"No, a bam-fire! You know, dey suck blood!."

Where is that Dinosaur Store?

"Mom, I haded a dream that I had a dinosaur pet friend. And he was a T-Rex an' he letted me slide down his back! And he only kiwed bad guys. And he ated dinosaur food. You buy it at the dinosaur store."

It's a Long Song

Playing his Toys R Us guitar,

"That was a Transformer song, mom. And it had a girlfriend in it."

The mom who drove him to school this morning said, "I listened to the Transformer song at full blast all the way to school. Half way through, he stops and says "It's a long song" and then keeps going."

The Humorist

Colin, to friend: "I'm gonna miss you."

Friend: "Me too."

Colin, to me: "It's like...she's gonna miss hersewf."

Flat Colin

"If my food all came out of my tummy I would be flat!"

Fat Boobs

"If you get a baby in your tummy, then your boobs would get fat too."

"Oh yeah? Who told you that, buddy?"

"Nobody! I just sawld a lady!"