Comeeto

"Mom, I saw a comeeto and the dog was wery, wery cute."

"What's a comeeto?"

"On the TV and it was a little dog, wery wery cute and I need Santa Clause to get me that one."

"Oh! A commercial?"

"Yeah, a comeeto. On TV."

Let's Call it The Arbitrary Song

Heard this little ditty from the bathroom this morning.

"I wanted a computer
and then I needed to poop
and then I wished for a computer
and then I was done!


"Moooooooooom! I need hewp!"

What Passes For a Segue Around Here

"Mom, I'm growing in (into) a big man?"

"Yes. Do you want to be a big man?"

"No. Yes. Soon. I want corn."

"Corn?"

"I want to eat corn. Right now."



*Segue - (seg.way) any smooth, uninterrupted transition from one thing to another.

Raisin Poop

"I don't like raisins in my lunchbox, Mom. They're poop."

"Poop?"

"Yeah. Little poop."

Hi-Ya!

Colin started a kid's jiu-jitsu class with some friends. In trying to explain to him what it would be like, I mimed a couple of karate chops and a kick.

Later:

"C'mon, kid, let's go to Jui-Jitsu!"

"Okay. Is that my punching class?!"

Woah.

"Mom, remember when I was a girl? I was a girl and then I needed a new body and then I was a boy!"

We Love Her Anyway

Colin hugged his dog, "You're my friend, Dixie. Mom? Her name is Dixie, right? Not Cornishumonooldo. And she can't fly."

Morningtime Monster

He woke up singing:

"Morningtime, morningtime
I'm so tired I wanna sleep more
then a monster came in my room
and then I forgot to wake up
and then my mom and daddy got him away
and then I wanted to sleep more
and then the end!"

Another Anatomy Lesson

"Mom, your nose has circles like mine. Their name is knockers."

"You mean nostrils?"

"Oh yeah, nostrils."

For Your Information

"Daddy, you have a skeleton head in your head. Did you know that?"

Nose Identity

4am, from out of the darkness, a little hand touches my nose.

"Mom? My nose is not a girl. My nose is a boy."

"Oh?"

"And your nose is a boy, like me."

Squish

"Colin, don't squeeze the kitty."

"I NEED to squeeze him. But I just don't need to BREAK him."

Serenade

"Mom I made a song for you:

'Winnie the Pooh

went in there (down the drain)

and he got dead with spiders....

and fiiiiiirrrreeeeeeeeeeeee!!

You liked it?"

Playing Zoo

"Daddy, I'll be a monkey and you be a koala. A BIG koala."

How do I Start This Thing?

Upon waking up this morning, Colin made a fist and knocked on his skull.

"My head isn't working."

What Valingtimes Day is For

"I understand, Mom."

"You do?"

"Yeah."

"What do you understand?"

"Valing-times day is for hugging Gramma."

It's a Man Thing

"When I was (am) a big man, I can have a mustache."

"Yeah?"

"Yeah. Like you! But I don't want to get hair on my tummy like you."

"Okay."

"And when I was a big man, I want a BIG BIG flashlight!!"

Booger Portal

"Daddy, I got two doors in my nose."

"Those are called 'nostrils.'"

"No, Daddy. I got doors."

I've Got the Bags Under My Eyes to Prove it.

10pm. I plopped the kid, finally exhausted, into his bed.

Colin: "Mom? I don't like to sleep. You know that?"

Me: "Yep. I knew that."

Colin: "Zzzzzzzzzzzz"

Shock the Doc

Took Colin to the doctor today. "Which ear hurts, Colin?" she asked. He pointed to his left. "And I have a skeleton in my body and a blue heart and a baby in my tummy. But it doesn't look like a fish!"

All Messed Up

Colin is sick. "How does your body feel this morning, Colin?" "I'm all messed up. We could go to the pyrofractor?" (aka "chiropractor")

Go By Yourself!

My husband asked my son if he needed to pee. My kid was wearing a headset and misunderstood - he thought his dad was asking him for help in the bathroom. He shouted over the music to his Dad, "No! You're big enough! You can go by yourself!"

Somethin Funny

"Colin, can you say something funny?"

"Sure. One time I got a little tiny baby, then he can grow in your tummy, and I don't know. Because it will be funny then I can go in the sky, then I can run."

?

Don't Worry, Kid. They Wouldn't Fit Through the Door Anyway.

At bedtime after a day at the Natural History Museum:

"Mom? Dinosaurs aren't real?"

"Not anymore. They used to be, but they all died a long time ago."

"Oh...They won't come to our house, right?"

"No. Never."

Just Don't Start With the Fart Jokes

"You're funny, Colin."

"Yeah, I know. I'm just funny like my Dad."